All Kinds of Fathers!
When we think of father, we get an image of a person who we (most of us) identify as an icon of strength and character, who we relate half of our being with. As much as we look up to our mother for half our characters, for strength, humility, tenderness and compassion she carves within us, we see our father almost as a superman.
What is a role of a father? What does it mean to be a son and a father as today? What kinds of fathers do we have? What kinds of fathers will we turn out to be?
When we think of father, we get an image of a person who we (most of us) identify as an icon of strength and character, who we relate half of our being with. As much as we look up to our mother for half our characters, for strength, humility, tenderness and compassion she carves within us, we see our father almost as a superman.
For many fathers (and mothers, equally), their nests are getting empty as children are growing up. Becoming independent and self-sustained, headed towards their ambitions and life purposes. Some flew too far, across the horizons, only to appear on screens, momentarily. Some moved away to raise their own families and work hard to keep their promises. And there are some who cut off the bond with their fathers, like amputated limbs. And the fathers of those children come in just as many shades.
There are those fathers who are filled to the brim with pride for the accomplishments of their offspring.
There are those who are still hoping and praying that their children learn from the challenges in life and become capable individuals.
There are those too who are still coaxing their young ones to wake up early, get good grades, to aim for college, quit smoking, be serious, worrying so much that they don’t allow their children the space to breathe or flex their wings. Yet, among them are those who toil through the day to get their children through school/college, pay rent, keep the fire in the kitchen burning, keep the bellies filled, and maintain their dignity in society. There are those who are understood and acknowledged by their children, and then there are those heavily misunderstood, isolated, and frustrated.
There are also those who never understood what being a ‘father’ is, whose only concept of being that figure is to bring the food to the table. Who have no idea how their children feel when they hear the sound of that familiar yet strange footsteps arriving home. When they see a person with no glint in the eyes, no smile on the face, no acknowledgement of who dwells in his home.
There are those who chickened out at the first sight of their newborn babies, couldn’t man up with the reality of bringing a child into this world, and vanished into thin air. Who never looked back. Who never had the courage to ask for forgiveness and accept the grace life had bestowed on them.
Or those senseless ones who came back home to beat the sense of out the kids to vent their inadequacies they didn’t understand themselves. Those, for whom, their children were merely the irreparable surprises of their semen dispensed under drunken stupor.
Then there are those mothers who had to be substitute ‘father’ to their children.
How must ‘this one day; make all these variations of Fathers? I wonder.
I wonder what the offspring of these fathers, who have become parents themselves, are learning in the process or handing down characters. They have come through their own unique history of childhood and growing up: some being cherished like a prince or a princess, as apple of their father’s eye, some being thrashed, or left alone for days without food, safety, or hope.
No matter what the economic circumstances are, I believe all fathers (and mothers) have their own limitations and flaws, and maybe even deplorable beastly characteristics. Not all rich fathers necessarily have the adequate fatherly instincts and/or capabilities. Not all poor fathers necessarily are poor at fathering.
It is also up to the offspring to make an effort to educate the fathers and the mothers on what they couldn’t learn at their times, under their social and personal circumstances. Being parents doesn’t always mean they know how to parent. With changing times, the refined idea of parenting in the second generation can also raise parents to be better. At the same time, it is up to them what they hand over to their own offspring, a spoilt or bitter rearing, or a balanced education of inter/intra-personal relationships, social courtesies, integrity, responsibility, art, literature, music, culture, tradition, pride, passion, etc.
At the end of the day, what is the significance of a day like Father’s Day?
It is a day to reflect, to re-bond, to nurture, to express feelings of love, gratitude and care, to forgive and to ask for forgiveness, to hug (we don’t even hug so much in Nepal, do we?), to look at each other eye to eye and understand each other better.
It is not only the fathers and mothers who make children, it is also children who give birth to their parents!
This is a tribute to all Fathers, including the mothers who had to be one for their children, who shaped the citizens of this nation. To all the fathers and mothers who feel proud of their children. To all fathers and mothers who feel at a loss for not being educated or wealthy enough to make life better for their offspring. To the fathers and mothers who lost their children before time and are living with the dreams they had to part with too soon. To the fathers and mothers who were reborn with their new-borns. To the fathers and the mothers who are struggling to be good parents; who may be confused, weary, exhausted, sleepless, but are preparing for the dream they will nurture as they were nurtured themselves.
This is with love, admiration, and respect. ❣
****
Text by: Ramesh Lal Nakarmi
Photography by: Bikkil Sthapit
Categorised in: Your Say